The World’s Most Twee Salad aka the Giant Scarlet Runners

This year has been my first fail with Dad’s beans. They are a snap bean from which he had been seed-saving since the 1950s and have quickly become a favourite with all who try them. The patch of garden in which they were sown had been carefully nurtured through winter with fish frames and guts, seaweed, cow poo and compost. At dig-over time I discovered this patch fostered serpent-sized worms that rose to offer apples to scantily clad maidens and I thought there couldn’t have been a patch more perfect to honour the bean. How wrong.

The weather stayed cold for a long while after I planted. And there was a lack of rain. This is the beach garden so it is fairly untended and just has to get on once the planting is done. The beans were slow to start and then remained quite yellow in the leaf department. There didn’t appear to be a lot of nitrogen-fixing going on. Even Mr Scott noticed there was something amiss when one morning he announced: “There’s something amiss with those beans.” But I’m an optimist and felt things would right themselves. By the time I realised the beans weren’t righting themselves, it was a bit late. The yield was down about 80% and I’ve left the remainder to seed.

For I also have scarlet runners.

And they are a triumph!

They, too, were slow to start but suddenly they kicked into overdrive and reached for the sky. Like Jack’s beanstalk they grew and they grew and, goddammit, they were going to find that giant. Along the way they flowered and entertained fat bumble bees and hungry honey bees and were soon producing an overwhelming number of beans. Much of the crop is out of the reach of even the tall Mr Scott so we’re going to hire a helicopter and winch someone down to do the rest of the picking. Gathering a trug-full daily has enabled me to share bean love about the bay (and I won’t even talk about the zucchinis!).

Image of my scarlet runner beans captured
by the Hubble telescope which orbits
366 miles/589 kilometres above Earth. 

Yesterday I spent the morning blanching and freezing beans and to make it sexy, I frenched them first. I performed the usual internet search to make sure I was using the correct process (because it’s just possible blanching involves more than a simmer then an icy plunge) and it was during this search that I discovered you can eat the scarlet runner flowers! Who knew?

Yes, I can hear some of you saying “Daft bint … no flowers, no beans!” but, reader, I have been blessed. I have so many beans I can sacrifice a few flowers to make the world’s most twee salad.

So, without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to The World’s Most Twee Salad. Sadly it was not a photogenic dish so you’ll just have to believe me that I made it, ate it and it was good.

I cooked up some amaranth, quinoa and lentils (no, I was not jet-propelled on this morning’s run, but thanks for your concern). To this I added cherry tomatoes, Kalamata olives, feta, red onion, scarlet runner beans (frenched), a few spinach and miscellaneous salad leaves (and probably some weeds because I’m not entirely sure what is what in that part of the garden) and parsley, mint and basil. Drizzle with olive oil and a squirt of lemon juice then GARNISH WITH SCARLET RUNNER FLOWERS!

It would have been as twee as four Beswick ducks flying up the wall if it weren’t for the ancient grains and lentils which had made the entire creation a bit brown. It’s just my opinion but I think brown food only starts to look good in a photo if it involves chocolate. Anyway, next time you make a salad, go for glory and throw a few scarlet runner flowers over the top and have a very hippy day.